Emotional shopping and capsule wardrobes don't mix

Hello folks,

So this week I've discovered that I'm an emotional shopper.

I've had a load on this week, not slept very well and put myself under pressure. Those of you that know me know that I have high standards for myself, and yesterday I had one of those moments when I was sure that I hadn't met them.

What's interesting is the way I reacted.

I've been doing the challenge for 2 months now. It's been a good couple of months and I haven't really thought about my relationship with shopping. Partly because at the beginning of the challenge I was shopping, the trainers, denim shirt and both the skirts are new, as is the lovely dress from toast.

So last night feeling like I'd let myself down and knowing that Matt was working late I found myself heading to Oxford Street. Since the death of the sandals last week I've written myself a list of everything I need to manage the year. 35 items is feeling like a very small number right now. Top of the list is another pair of jeans. I simply won't survive the winter without them.

I knew exactly what I wanted. A pair of dark wash levis in the same size and cut as the jeans I'm already wearing. The idea of 'treating myself' was a wonderful distraction.

But then those jeans weren't in stock. And even though I knew exactly what I wanted I went to three more shops that I knew didn't stock Levis, and when I finally faced the fact that I wasn't going to be able to 'treat myself' I sat in the Urban Outfitters changing room and had a little cry.

Now I'm not daft. I know that my little moment wasn't about jeans. But I wonder how often over the last few years I've distracted myself from thought and feelings I didn't want to have by shopping.

It's not very healthy is it?

If I hadn't have been doing this challenge I know exactly how last night would have gone. I'd have spent a couple of hours at the shops and come home with some new bits that I didn't neccessarily love - that I'd wear a couple of times and then forget about. They'd take up space in my house, empty a portion of my bank account, and serve no real purpose except for helping me avoid addressing anything that worried me.

I'm a cheerful person, and it's quite important to me that that's how people see me. So when I'm worried, or my confidence has taken a knock I distract myself. And having my standard distraction no longer available to me was a bit of a shock last night. And I had to face the fact that for the next 10 months I'm going to have to do without it.

So how did I manage? Well I did two very healthy things that really really helped.

First I called my Mum. Mum's are great aren't they? My mum in particular always tells me the same thing when I'm worried and it always helps. I'm not going to go into it here (it deserves it's own blog really). But it was good.

Then I messaged some of my girlfriends. I'm rubbish at asking for help even though I know with this particular gang of ladies it is always freely and lovingly given. But I knew that sitting in urban outfitters for the rest of the evening sobbing was not an option. So I sent a 'guys I'm miserable & don't like myself very much' message to our WhatsApp group. And immediately got my soul shored up by loving, supportive and helpful responses from women I love and respect. And who- even when I'm grotty and insane somehow love me.

I would NEVER, never have done this normally, no matter how healthy my adult self knows asking for help is, the teenage (asshole) part of me thinks is attention seeking and therefore very not cool.

So there you go. Maybe this capsule wardrobe thing won't just raise cash for charity - maybe it'll lead to some personal growth, and the final banishment of my inner teenage asshole.

So you know if you want to donate - you'll be helping me grow into a proper adult as well as supporting familes of disabled children. A 2 for 1 if you will.

Take care Folks

And for you list checkers here is the weeks outfits

Sunday (Day 58)